The air inside the bedroom was sub-zero, and Bob knew he was facing a marital de.a.th sentence. He had committed the ultimate sin: he completely forgot their wedding anniversary.
His wife, trembling with absolute fury, delivered a terrifyingly specific ultimatum.
“Tomorrow morning,” she hissed, “I expect to see a gift sitting right in the middle of that driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than six seconds flat. AND IT BETTER BE THERE!”
Bob nodded weakly, woke up at dawn the next morning, and quietly slipped out to work.
When his wife opened her eyes a few hours later, she rushed to the window. Sure enough, a beautifully wrapped box was sitting dead-center in the driveway. Heart pounding with excitement, she threw on her robe, sprinted outside, and eagerly dragged the package into the kitchen.
She tore off the ribbon, ripped open the cardboard, and found a brand-new, shiny digital bathroom scale.
Bob has been officially reported missing since Friday.
