Darcy had to raise a kid on her own because her so-called man of the house was always out at the bar with his friends, and when he wasn’t, he was always slacking off at home.
She called up her mother-in-law during a particularly hard day, whom she wasn’t always on the best of terms with because she tended to side with her son rather than offer the woman any sort of support.
Darcy asked, “Could you tell me who changes the child if it poops itself? Is it the dad or the mom?”
“It is always the mother, honey,” said the mother-in-law condescendingly.
“Okay then,” said Darcy. “Could you come over please? Your son got drunk and sh*t himself.”
When 6-year-old Johnny and his mum are waiting at the bus stop, she says to him.
“I’ll get a ticket for myself and if the driver asks how old you are, tell him you are 5, then I won’t have to pay.”
The bus pulls up, they get on and mum pays for an adult return to the town centre.
The driver then asks the boy.
“And what is your name, young man?”
He proudly replies. “I’m J0hnny.”
The driver enquires.
“And how old are you, Johnny?”
“I’m only 5 years old.”
“And when will you be 6?”
“As soon as I get off the bus!”