Toxic people: 10 things they do and how to deal with them

Nothing spoils a perfect day faster than someone dripping with negativity and toxicity.

Toxic people are everywhere and the worst part is that most of them do not even realize they are the problem.

Most poisoned people think that the problem of negativity is the problem in all others.

If you are wondering if a person is negative or not, take note of these 10 warning signs that tell you if you are surrounded by toxic people.

It’s important to face these demons face-to-face, because you do not have to deal with them – you’ll have to get rid of them because they can exhaust you emotionally.

Here are some signs of a poisoned person. After that, we will proceed in eight steps to treat these difficult people.

1) They Only Pay Attention to You When it Serves Them

Everyone has this “friend” who only calls them when they need a favor. Or maybe it’s a family member you need to help.

Whatever they are for you, if they only call you when they need something from you, they are a poisoned person.

According to Abigail Brenner, MD in Psychology Today, toxic people use other people to achieve their goals:

“They use other people to achieve their goal Forget what you want It’s not about equality in a relationship, far from it.”

Recognize it and start planning to free yourself from this relationship. Someone who only takes and never comes back is not someone you need in your life.

2) They Hold Grudges

Toxic people love drama on drums, and one of the best ways to do that is to call something stupid that you have done in the past.

Maybe they’ll upset you with friends, or maybe they’ll fling your face in the most vile way, and you’ll feel bad again and again.

It’s like they have Peter Pan syndrome and can not let go.

According to an article in Trabes Bradberry in Forbes, toxic people might fear that human beings will harm them.

“Some people are so obsessed with other people’s mistakes that they do not seem to make mistakes and find that they have a grudge, no emotional intelligence, no fear of harming others, and maybe even pushing you. to come out of important projects. ”

If someone spends too much time going through the past and not getting past himself, he has to go on.

3) They Make You Feel Stuck

Someone who suffers from a venomous attitude will do their best to make you feel crappy about their life, because even if they make a good show, they feel shit for their lives.

According to the book, 5 types of people who can ruin your life: Identifying and dealing with daffodils, sociopaths and other conflicting personalities, a characteristic of “highly conflicting personalities” is an extremely negative behavior:

“Health professionals often have extremely negative behavior, including hitting or hitting people, spreading rumors and lies, trying to make obsessive contact with them … There are also FSSs that use emotional manipulation. to hurt others, but who seem to control very emotionally … They often seem to have no idea of ​​the behavior of their behavior, and have devastating and exhausting emotional effects on others. ”

They will bring out their best qualities of passive aggression and will indicate that you can not escape your work or the situation you are in.

Most of the time, they are unable to progress in their lives and they need people to stay with them in this place.

4) They Crap on Your Hopes and Dreams

You will know that you are in the presence of negative and venomous people, every time you throw up something and you announce a million reasons why you can not do what you want to do every time you announce something.

In fact, Jacqueline Newman, a lawyer specializing in divorce and marriage in New York, said in Bustle that it was a sign of toxic behavior when they insulted you with disguised comments:

“For example, ‘You would look so much better if x, y or z … The comments then become a joke often followed by’ You know, I’m kidding – do not be so sensitive. ‘

The comments get worse over time, to the point that you doubt yourself and your goals.

Whether you’re buying a new car, looking for a new job, looking for a new love, or moving to a new city, its negativity has nothing to do with them or anything with you. Ignore him.

You will still go slowly, so be careful.

The comments get worse over time, to the point that you doubt yourself and your goals.

Whether you’re buying a new car, looking for a new job, looking for a new love, or moving to a new city, its negativity has nothing to do with them or anything with you. Ignore him.

You will still go slowly, so be careful.

[To learn how to deal with selfish and venomous people and develop your own self-esteem, check out my new ebook: The Practical Guide to Using Buddhism and Eastern Philosophy for a Better Life]

5) They Lie to You

Toxic people can not help lie. It’s like turning on the fires of drama and chaos to be happy.

According to Shannon Thomas, LCSW, in Greatist: “Toxic humans are master manipulators, gifted liars and great actors … they can hide anywhere.”

If someone does not fight, he does not live. You will lie to the people around you, for you, for you, and do the same in your surroundings to satisfy their own needs.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to be under a bus, stay with someone who is toxic and you’ll know it soon enough.

6) You Feel Negative When You Are Around Them

Toxic humans are like crabs in a bucket. Have you ever seen crabs in a bucket?

They all try to run away immediately and fall back at the end. They do not want anyone of their kind to succeed, and they attack, tear and fuck! Nobody goes out.

Wow, talk about a difficult crowd.

According to Abigail Brenner, a doctor of psychology today, dealing with toxic people is rather negative because they focus on problems, not solutions:

“Do not forget that they are the best manipulators: their tactics can be vague and arbitrary, which directs the discussion to the way you approach a subject – your tone, your words, etc.” not about solutions. ”

If you have poisons in your life, you may feel like you’re in a bucket filled with crabs.

They do not want help, they will not help themselves, but they want everyone around them to feel as crappy as life, love, work, money and happiness.

Jodie Gale, MA, psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia, explains that toxic people are seriously injured:

“Often, the person is seriously injured and, for whatever reason, can not be held responsible for their injuries, their feelings, their needs and the resulting problems in life.”

Basically, they want everyone to feel as terrible as they are. According to Brenner, it is because the toxic people project their feelings on you:

“Their feelings are rather projected on you, if you try to make them understand, they will probably vehemently defend their views and take no responsibility for almost everything they do.”

If you say goodbye to a negative conversation and feel that way for a while or leave negative comments afterwards, it indicates that you have just spent time with a poisoned person.

Toxic people have the opportunity to invade our lives and leave an impression that is not desired, but that finds its way. And it stays with us sometimes. Shake it and come back to you.

7) They Want What You Have

Toxic people can not be happy for you, no matter how much you have or have achieved in your life. So much so that they are ready to push you out of the way to get it.

According to Rhonda Freeman, Ph.D. in Psychology Today describes a common trait of a narcissist:

“They think they are better than others and the variables that improve are usually related to” power and status “.

As we have already mentioned, toxic people tend to be very narcissistic. They beg, lend and sneak into this part of their lives to get a piece of the cake and then claim everything as their own good.

Watch them at work, because if they hate your luck, they will try to take it away from you.

8) They Encourage You to Feel Sorry For Them

The interesting thing about toxic people is that they need a lot of social interaction to maintain their toxicity. After all, you can not be negative when you are alone.

“Toxic people are tired and emotionally depressed,” says Shannon Thomas, LCSW, in Greatist.

They will try to make you accept their toxic assessments of a situation or a person, and then tell everyone what you said. Stay away from them. This is bad news.

9) They Expect You to Be Someone You Are Not

Negative people will hate you, no matter how you act or act, so you might as well be yourself.

They want you to be all or anyone else, and nothing will be enough because they think they are perfect when they are far away. Just ignore her comments by trying to make her fall. They will soon find a nadir.

This may be because narcissists have a great need for perfectionism, says Margalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT in Mind Body Green:

“Daffodils are in desperate need of everything perfect, they think they should be perfect, they should be perfect, events should go exactly as planned, and life should be exactly as they imagined. ”

10) They Won’t Hesitate to Manipulate You At All Costs

With regard to toxic people, there is neither kindness nor integrity.

If they want something from you, they will do anything to get it.

Abigail Brenner wrote about psychology today:

“Manipulators are really not interested in you except as a way to give them control, so you’re not ready to join their plans.”

When you do it, they do not care about your feelings or needs. They will say what they need, make-up lies and compliments for you to work for them.

After discussing how to spot a poisoned person, we treat it in eight different ways.

How to deal with toxic people: 14 things to do 

Whether it’s an old friend who gets angry, a competitive employee or a family member who is not going away, it can be difficult to deal with toxic people .

Do you have to fight fire with fire? Or should you just accept them as is? These are tough questions that are not easy to answer.

Fortunately, Psychology Today has discovered 8 strategies for dealing with toxic people. I have summarized the excellent tips below.

1) Recognize the traits that make you easy prey

First, find out why they are for you.

According to Peg Streep in Psychology Today:

“Think carefully about the interactions you had with the person who made you unhappy, focus on why you felt what you felt, not what you felt, see if you are Recognizing Models.”

Do you need to please or are you afraid of causing any conflict?

Take a step back and look at the interactions you have had by focusing on what you did, but not on how you felt – and see if you can find a motive.

Once you have found a model, you can better understand the behaviors that lead that person to take advantage of you.

Remember that judging what features push you to abuse does not mean you should be blamed. They are always to blame, but it helps to prevent them from targeting you in the future.

2) Accept that it might take some time to get rid of them

For some, it will take time to get rid of a poisoned person.

This is especially true if the poisonous person is near you, living in your home or is somehow responsible for your financial situation, for example: B. as a boss.

However, if you already know that it is a toxic person, you can better protect yourself.

According to Elizabeth Scott, MS at Very Well Mind:

“If you know you’re dealing with someone who could hurt you and you’re worried about that, you can at least partially protect yourself from the pain that can be caused by a narcissist.”

You may need to understand how to start the process and what you want to accomplish by removing it from your life.

This is also a crucial step because you have to look at your own toxicity and see if you are planning on someone else.

Be honest about your situation and why it’s a problem for you and you’re in a better place to take it out of your life.

3) Explore your reactivity

Again, without blaming the momentum, you should pay attention to the way you react excessively and excessively in the relationship.

For example, if you bully, you will be allowed to continue to harass you if you do not respond consistently enough.

In addition, slightly anxious people tend to overreact when a relationship develops to the south, giving narcissists more power to continue playing with them.

An article in Psychology Today explains why:

“The closer we get to a poisoned person – the more she knows about us, the more we grow emotionally in her, the more we let her into our lives – the more she can hurt us. handle or hurt. ”

Do not try to respond emotionally to them. Toxic people are not worth it anyway.

Be clear, concise, clear and logical and do not depend on what they say.

(To learn how to be very spiritually towards the poisonous, read my e-book on the art of resilience.)

4) Trust your gut

Some people remain in a hurtful relationship because they do not trust or judge.

They tend to rationalize their toxic behavior or give the person the benefit of the doubt.

But at some point, that’s enough. When they affect you emotionally and make your life worse, it’s time to take a stand.

Relational expert Dr. Gary Brown gave some good advice in Bustle:

“Although our stomach is often right, sometimes it does not happen … There is an old adage that says,” Follow your heart. I would add the following: Follow your heart AND bring your brain to help you for any reason. ”

If you constantly find excuses for someone, stop and ask your stomach while you take your brain with you.

Life is a precious gift. Do not let other poisoned people ruin it for you.

5) The word “no” is your new best friend

It is possible that the toxic person in your life has not entered your life without your permission.

It’s a safe bet that they will slowly and gradually invade your life, upset your boundaries and not live high in your life and make it miserable.

That’s why you must trust yourself and be direct. Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. Psych Central offers sound advice on how to be more assertive when talking to a poisoned person:

“Tell the person how they feel Use statements” I. “For example:” When you _____ do / say / say, I feel _____. What I need is _______. The reason I share my feelings and needs with you is _______ (because I love you, I want to build a healthy relationship with you, etc.). ”

It can be difficult for you to say no. Maybe they are fragile and you see it, or you see that they have nobody and you feel bad for the situation in which they are.

Stop it now.

The easiest way to remove a toxic person from your life is to learn to navigate the word “no” and use it whenever possible. Keep them at bay by not letting them enter your kingdom.

6) Beware of the sunk cost fallacy

What is holding you back in this relationship?

According to Peg Streep in Psychology Today:

“As the work of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Twersky show, we know that people are stingy with losses and prefer to stick to what they have in the short term – even if they give up in the long run to get more . ”

People also prefer the known to the unknown. Remember and realize that a short-term loss can actually generate a long-term gain.

7) Recognize the power of intermittent reinforcement

Despite what you may have thought, people are too optimistic. We tend to consider a narrow loss as a “near-profit”. That’s what keeps people on slot machines.

Evolution explains that.

In this day of hunter gatherings, when the challenges of life were largely physical, it was good to be sufficiently encouraged to continue and make this close profit a reality.

Roberta Satow Ph.D. explains how we can be on the wrong side of intermittent amplification:

“Many of us were on the wrong side in the temporary reinforcement – they were thirsty for the crumbs we sometimes have and sometimes do not receive – and hoped that this time we would have them.”

In toxic relationships, we are motivated to stay here, even if sometimes we only get what we want.

“From time to time” does not create a pattern and you must keep this in mind.

In fact, narcissists are very competent in what is known as love bombardment. According to Psychology Today, the bomb attack is the practice of “controlling a person with signs of worship and attraction … to make you spend more time with the bomber”.

Examine your life in a month and ask yourself if they really help you.

If not, you need to think about how to see them less or not to see them at all.

8) Ignore their social media

Whatever you do, do not torture yourself in social media if you follow all the movements. Toxic people like to go online so that the rest of the world knows how much they fear or are right.

As Amanda McKelvey points out in MSN, you need to be ready to take the first step to improve your social media atmosphere:

“Social media does not have to be the poisoned place everyone says, but you have to be ready to take the first step to do it.”

This is a difficult situation, as it is very likely that the poisoned person will continue to ask you, “Have you seen my message?” And she wants an answer.

A quick “sorry, I was too busy” is all you need to answer.

If you want to take things to the next level, you can explain why you do not follow them on social media and reread the conversation to see if they are ready to help you.

9) Don’t waste your time trying to tell you otherwise

This is what distinguishes poisons: they do not want your help. They do not want to learn, do better, be different.

They want everyone around them to follow their own path and provide shelter.

This is an impossible situation and you can bet that you can not improve it.

Anyway, trying to repair them will not succeed, according to Elizabeth Scott, MS in Very Well Mind:

“Do not try to change them and do not expect them to change, otherwise you will be disappointed.”

These intelligent and clever people are simply negative and looking for trouble.

They do not see how they hurt others and they will continue to do so because they feel well in a sick way.

Or at least not that they feel worse.

10) Create distance (if you can)

As much as possible, stay away from them. When they are at work, have lunch at another time or place.

In fact, the “gray rock technique” is an excellent strategy.

In short, the Gray Rock method promotes interference.

When you look around on the ground, you do not usually see individual rocks as they are: they see dirt, rocks and grass as a collective.

When confronted with narcissists and toxic people, they tend to see everything.

The Gray Rock method allows you to intervene so that you no longer serve as targets for this person.

Live Strong claims that the Gray Rock method involves not reacting emotionally:

“It’s about making you as boring, insensitive and unobtrusive as possible – like a gray stone, more importantly, that you do not emotionally respond to their bumps and bumps if you can afford it.”

If you can not eliminate them completely from your life, try to distance yourself as much as possible.

Do not radically change your life to stop liking your job, but be careful about how you feel about it and what you get out of conversations with that person.

It might be easier to eat in your car a few days a week than being able to handle bullshit another day in the canteen.

If this person lives in your home, you may have to sit down and have a serious conversation with them. However, if the situation is temporary, just keep your distance and fill your agenda with things you want to do instead of listening to them groaning and waiting.

11) Guard those boundaries or plan an exit strategy

If the toxic person is a person you can not avoid, you must set limits to the nature of the behavior and contact you.

You must not be rude, but you must be firm and determined.

To a colleague, one could say: “I agree with the critics, but my overweight has nothing to do with my performance.”

Ending the relationship could be difficult, says Jodie Gale, MA, psychotherapist and life coach in Sydney, Australia, but it could be worthwhile:

“But in the end, you have given way to much healthier and more nutritious relationships in your life.”

12) Anticipate push-back retaliation

It is likely that the poisoned person somehow benefits from the way she responds to you.

Once you have defined limits, they will probably redouble their efforts to continue to manipulate to gain the upper hand.

Stay firm, strong and direct. Do not let them handle emotionally. Whatever they say should not be heavy.

If you have few contacts, continue like this.

In Mind Body Green, Annice Star, who had a relationship with a narcissist, decided to see her partner again months after separation. Here’s why it was a bad idea:

“What shocked me, though, is the ease with which I rushed again to do this and that, on tiptoe, pedaling gently, streamlining, even lying … you call it, I did it.In the first hour, I lost all the benefits I thought I would be insured in the months following our split. ”

13) Don’t normalize abusive behaviour

It is important. If they treated you badly for a while, they probably rationalized their behavior. Peg Streep said:

“They may have humiliated you, marginalized or fired you, and other family members, and rationalized their behavior by saying,” These are just words. “deny that they have ever been told.”

The conclusion is that emotional or verbal abuse is never acceptable.

If you agree or answer (what you are looking for), you will continue to do so.

So do not react emotionally, explain rationally why they are wrong and continue your day without being disturbed.

Once they know that you are a difficult target to answer, they will eventually give up.

14) Say goodbye

In some cases, you have to bite the ball and send back the person of your life. It may be easier said than done because venomous people have a way of hanging around.

We have said it before, but toxic people can be very narcissistic and that can be difficult to change.

According to licensed clinical psychologist Dianne Grande, Ph.D., a narcissist “will only change if she fulfills her purpose”.

But if you say very clearly that you do not want such toxicity in your life, you may be so upset that they will go away anyway and take on the task of getting out of your life so you do not have to. of,

This will save you trouble and give priority to your own happiness and health. In many cases, you may not have a choice. If you do, get off immediately.

It will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Who knows, maybe you’ll just find it! It can do you good to tell someone that you do not like their attitude and that you deserve better in your life.

Whatever suits you best, but whatever you do, you do not live in a shell because that person makes you small in your life. It’s not worth it.

Are you mentally difficult?

Resilience and mental resilience are key attributes to leading your best life. They determine how much we go beyond what threatens to exhaust us, whether it’s fighting a disease through difficult emotions or continuing after the end of a relationship.

In The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Intellectual Resilience, we describe exactly what it means to be mentally resilient and equip yourself with 10 resilience tools that you can use today.