Have you ever been stern or irritable with your parents but gentle and considerate with outsiders?
We live in a society with various types of relationships, many of which are close and intimate, such as family members and friends with whom we have grown up. There are also relationships that are relatively casual, involving acquaintances and colleagues.
We often have a tendency to be friendly and considerate towards outsiders while being strict or irritable with our family members. So what is the reason behind this behavior?
A Special Psychological Protection Mechanism
This phenomenon can be because of the belief that some people place greater importance on their social circle outside the family. After all, blood relationships are something that cannot be changed. No matter how much we may make mistakes, our family will always be there for us, provide support and help us through thick and thin.
This makes some individuals not pay much attention to their familial bonds and indifferent to their loved ones. They assume that, no matter how they may hurt others, their family members will never abandon them. In contrast, social relationships are considered somewhat fragile, and a bad impression with outsiders can lead to them walking away.
As a result, individuals like this often invest a significant amount of time and energy in managing relationships with others and their own public image.
In addition, there is a perspective that we tend to take what we have for granted. This applies to the warmth and support we receive from family members. Before we establish our own households, we spend a considerable amount of time with our families. We become so accustomed to their words and actions that we sometimes overlook their significance.
When it comes to self-preservation, we often feel that some issues cannot be resolved through forgiveness or other means. In other words, we tend to employ psychological defense mechanisms to releasing our anger outward.
For instance, when someone feels wronged by a colleague or boss at work, they may choose to internalize their anger and not resist. Factors such as differences in status, income, and various other considerations make us cautious. However, this is not the case with family members. We have more willingness to express negative emotions and lose our temper with them.
No matter where we go, we should keep in mind that there is always a place to return to. Failing to recognize this and taking it for granted as something inevitable can lead us to undervalue close relationships. Eventually, we may realize that the worst thing that can happen is when our loved ones are no longer around.
We should be aware of the fact that every relationship, including family relationships, requires maintenance. Neglecting to nurture the bonds with our loved ones can lead to troubles and emotional wounds in our lives.
Four Things We Should Never Do to Our Loved Ones
1. Blaming Parents When Facing Hardship
Our parents have given us life, made sacrifices, nurtured us, and provided guidance. They are responsible for our existence today, and we should not blame them for our difficulties or financial struggles. Instead, we should express gratitude and show filial piety. Being obedient and respectful to our parents sets a good example for our own children to follow.
2. Not Being Envious of Siblings
Don’t ever compare or be envious of your siblings at home. Each person has their own circumstances and ways of showing their love, and it is not fair to judge others based on your own actions. Being filial to parents while being competitive or comparing oneself to siblings can lead to conflicts. Therefore, it is important not to engage in such behavior.
3. Not Venting Frustration on Spouse
In marriag, both partners support and raise their children together. When difficulties arise, both spouses should face them together and not vent their frustration on each other. Some people, when faced with hardships or their children’s mistakes, blame their spouse, thinking that they are responsible. However, true integrity means never shifting blame onto others but instead working together to find solutions. This will maintain harmony in the family and protect the love between husband and wife.
4. Not Taking Out Anger on Children and Grandchildren
When pressured by work, life, or other stressors, some people unload their anger onto their children or grandchildren. For them, their offspring are the ones they brought into the world and, therefore, are easy targets for their frustration. However, for children, the family environment significantly impacts their lifelong emotions. While a happy child can use their joyful childhood as a foundation for the rest of their life, an unhappy child may spend a lifetime healing their childhood wounds.
As parents, it is necessary to control our emotions and use love to listen, analyze, and guide our children to grow up. Those who constantly blame and scold their children and grandchildren are morally wrong and should avoid such behavior.”