It is frequently challenging to navigate relationships with mothers-in-law. You can’t choose his parents, even though you can choose your spouse. However, when you gives birth, this difficult relationship can be strengthened.
The mother-in-law possibly has other ideas for how the children should be raised. On the other hand, some of the mother-in-law might need assistance raising the child. In fact, many do so because it’s hard to find good babysitters, but watching the grandchildren while their parents are at work is not the same as receiving occasional visits from them. The second situation is presented by this mother, who states that her mother-in-law “expects her to be paid to babysit.”
“How dare my mother-in-law ask for money for precious time with her grandkid?”
In her letter to Brightside, the mother named Amy explains that she has been happily married for 10 years. They are employed full-time and have a healthy baby boy who is six months old. While her husband works from home, she works in the office. Her mother-in-law, on the other hand, took a step back and offered to look after the child while the couple worked. Amy explained that “she has a way with children” and they happily agreed. “I really appreciate her time, dedication, and everything she does,” she continues. In addition to looking after the child, she also cooks and cleans.
On the other hand, Amy became shocked when her mother-in-law “dared” to ask them for payment/hour. “How dare she ask for money for precious time with her grandkid?” Amy’s husband believes his mother should get paid. After all, they would probably pay even more if they hired a professional. Amy, on the other hand, has no idea what to do.
When The Mother-in-law Takes Care of the Children
Taking care of a grandparent’s children has many advantages. Most importantly, you can rest easy knowing that your kids are getting enough love and attention. The idea of hiring someone who isn’t familiar with them frightens many parents. This applies to regular or full-time childcare, as Amy and her mother-in-law had. This does not apply to grandparents who occasionally babysit, usually unpaid, which may be Amy’s confusion.
To start, money is a touchy subject for many people. Some grandparents may think they deserve pay but will never ask because of this taboo. Therefore, it’s best to create an open discussion on the topic. Remember, even though it’s their grandkids, babysitting is a job that involves fulfilling certain responsibilities and keeping to a schedule at the expense of other hobbies and obligations. Many grandparents may be appalled at the idea of being paid but may change their minds later on.
However, the purpose of this conversation is to express gratitude for the grandparents’ dedication and time. It is very important to show gratitude on a regular basis with words and gifts. Gift cards, thank-you cards, baked goods, flowers, homework help, or bills are all examples of this. Grandparents may feel exploited if they take these services for granted or feel entitled to them. Resentment can result, which can damage a relationship. These negative outcomes can be avoided by having an open discussion of expectations, expressing gratitude, and offering a reward for your time and effort. Respecting the grandparents’ need for relaxation and recreation is also included.
How Much Should You Pay?
If the grandparent does want financial compensation, make sure the guidelines of this are clear. Decide on the amount being paid. This you can determine based on the income of daycare employees or babysitters in your area. (Remember to account for the number of children, their ages, any specialized care needed, and if the grandparents does chores such as cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, driving the children to activities, etc.) Decide on when the payment will be issued, daily, weekly, monthly, etc. Offer vacation time and holiday payment as necessary. And don’t forget to reimburse the grandparent for “business expenses” such as food, toys, gas, and activities.
Empathy and appreciation go hand in hand. The arduous nature of child care is something that only parents are aware of. If the grandparent finds this difficult, you make it easier for them by planning activities that don’t require as much physical strength or endurance, like going to the playground or watching a movie. If a grandparent struggles with stairs, bring all of the supplies they need to the main floor. Parents should be informed of any health issues, particularly those that could harm them or their children, like memory problems or seizures.
Maintain Ongoing Communication
Also, it’s imperative that the kids know that the grandparent is in charge. They might be used to getting spoiled around grandpa and grandma; but they must know they have to follow the same rules as when their parents are around, such as doing their homework, not eating candy before meals, and going to bed on time.
In addition, don’t feel bad if your grandparents are unable to watch your children at times. For situations like these, keep a list of other babysitters. Mothers, grandmothers, fathers, and mother-in-law all have their own lives and schedules, so taking care of grandchildren ought to be a joy rather than a burden. If they don’t want to watch the kids or if they have other important work to do, tell them to be honest. In general, grandparents and parents need to talk openly and often in order to avoid misunderstandings and keep the arrangement working out well for everyone.