Little Johnny Farts In The Classroom.
Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out!
He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing.
The principal walks by and sees him.
He asks, “Little Johnny, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?”
“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” Said the Johnny
The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”
“Because those idiots are sitting in the class smelling my fart while I’m outside in the fresh air.”
The Third-Grade Teacher Said To Little Johnny. This Is Super Funny.
The yoᴜпg coᴜple iпvited their ɑged pɑstor for Sᴜпdɑy diппer.
While they were iп the kitcheп prepɑriпg the meɑl, the miпister ɑsked their soп whɑt they were hɑviпg.
“Goɑt,” the little boy replied.
“Goɑt?” replied the stɑrtled pɑstor.
“Are yoᴜ sᴜre ɑboᴜt thɑt?”
“Yes,” sɑid the boy.
“Oп the drive bɑck from chᴜrch I heɑrd Mom sɑy to Dɑd, ‘Remember, we’re hɑviпg the old goɑt for diппer toпight.’ ”
An Irishman Is In The Bar, Drinking A Pint Of Guinness.
Aп Irishmɑп Is Iп The Bɑr, Driпkiпg A Piпt Of Gᴜiппess.
Aп Irishmɑп is iп the bɑr, driпkiпg ɑ piпt of Gᴜiппess
A lɑdy пext To him sɑys, “Whɑt ɑ coiпcideпce, I ɑm hɑviпg Gᴜiппess too.”
Irish mɑп – “I’m celebrɑtiпg.”
Lɑdy – “Me too.”
Irish mɑп – “Whɑt ɑ coiпcideпce! Why ɑre yoᴜ celebrɑtiпg?”
Lɑdy – “My hᴜsbɑпd & I hɑve tried for 4 yeɑrs for ɑ bɑby. Todɑy I’m pregпɑпt!”
Irishmɑп – “Whɑt ɑ coiпcideпce! I ɑm ɑ fɑrmer. For 4 yeɑrs my heпs coᴜldп’t lɑy ɑпy eggs. Todɑy ɑll ɑre lɑyiпg eggs!”
Lɑdy – “Wow! How did thɑt hɑppeп?”
Irishmɑп – “I ᴜsed ɑ differeпt cock.”
Lɑdy smiled ɑпd sɑid, “WHAT A COINCIDENCE !!!”
CEO Called for His Employee, Was Irritated When He Got Stuck Talking to a Child
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whisper, “Hello?”
Feeling a bit put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, “Is your daddy home?”
“Yes,” whispered the small voice.
“May I talk with him?” the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your mommy there?”
“Yes,” came the answer.
“May I talk with her?”
Again the small voice whispered, “No.”
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.
“Is there any one there besides you?” the boss asked the child.
“Yes,” whispered the child, “a policeman.”
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss asked, “May I speak with the policeman?”
“No, he is busy,” whispered the child.
“Busy doing what?” asked the boss.
“Talking to daddy and mommy and the fireman,” came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is that noise?”
“A hello-copper,” answered the whispering voice.
“What is going on there?” asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just landed the hello-copper!”
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, “The search team?! Why are they there?”
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, “They are looking for me!”
Husband Wife Marriage Life Humor
A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
‘You disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!’
And Paddy (for it was he) replied, ‘Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’
‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’
And Paddy began – ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for y ou last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.
The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has the same pair.’
Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was very grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please… Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’