Letter to My Beloved Wife
Dear Wife,
How’s life at your parents’ place? Since our fight, you’ve been gone 38 hours and 37 minutes – still short of your personal record of 4 hours 21 minutes. I know you’re waiting for me to come apologize, but keep going… maybe set a new historical record!
Everything at home is fine, don’t miss me too much. I still have some spare change hidden under the kid’s bed, and I bought 5 dress shirts, 7 pairs of underwear, and 12 pairs of socks – enough to wear until you return. Food? Well… I have to eat out: octopus, lobster, shark fin… they’re keeping me company so I don’t feel lonely.
The new neighbor girl keeps borrowing condiments and onions… don’t worry, I remain completely faithful. The flowers in the garden are going through desert-mode evolution, so no watering, don’t worry. And our cat? Hope it’s following you at your parents’.
Your little brothers are fine too; I invited them out for drinks and shared a few of our marital stories. They held my hand and cried: “Brother-in-law, you’ve suffered enough.”
I’ll come pick you up and apologize, but feel free to enjoy your stay a bit longer – it’s been a while since you visited your parents, and they need care too.
P.S. If you’re still not back tomorrow, the neighbor invited me to lunch… I might go. Being alone at home is boring, and saying no all the time isn’t polite.
Love and miss you. Goodbye!
