I spent £10k on a single baby – single mothers make better parents, other women say they wish they had done what I did
By the age of 36, I was wise enough to realize that someone being my lover and the potential father of my children are two very different things. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but I wanted to do it on my own.
If there is a way I can prevent this for my children, I will. Luckily, it’s easy these days – and I know that being a single mom makes me a better dad.
Doing IVF, where eggs are removed from my ovaries and fertilized with sperm in a lab before the embryos are placed in the uterus, is my choice. It’s not the last chance for emotionally exhausted children that it offers many.
It was simply how I knew I was going to conceive. If I had a baby through IVF and a sperm donor, no man would consult or consider. They will be my own. Both fun and responsibility. I was working as a health secretary in my home county of Cornwall when I started IVF in 2012. At that time, I met a man who didn’t want to have children.
I’m not going to trick him into making a lifelong commitment that he doesn’t want and that could be wrong for me, so I explained about IVF and that’s what I’ve always meant to do. He doesn’t object to my plan – doesn’t mean it will matter if he does.
He’s not the first man I’ve been with who might not be suitable for me as a father. For a variety of reasons, all the men I’ve dated have been wrong. Sometimes it’s age, sometimes it’s circumstances, often it’s personality. Having children with any of my exes will lead to tumultuous and painful breakups.
‘Always be a single mom’
An embryo was transferred five days after I retrieved the eggs. In August next year my daughter Raphael was born. She and I moved into my parents’ house, and this support from my family was an added bonus.
My parents agreed with my view that I had yet to meet anyone who would be the right father for their children, and they supported my decision to do it alone. In January 2017, my second daughter Aelfrida was born from a frozen embryo.
The two girls have the same sponsor, and since he’s known as an open-minded donor they should be able to meet him when they’re 18. On the advice of my consultant, I selected sperm from a Danish clinic. Denmark does the most thorough screening of potential donors. I was able to see pictures of him as a child, read medical information about him and his family. He sounded like a gentleman.
Some people may worry about the cost of IVF, but it’s no more expensive than a new car or vacations abroad. It costs around £10k for both rounds. It is simply a matter of choice. And just because I’m a single mom, it doesn’t mean I have to be single myself. Of course I like the company of men. Of course I want sex and relationships. But I will always be a single mother.
When I started IVF, it was a relatively new thing for single women. However, in the years since, more and more women are choosing to give birth alone.
No man will have any right over my children and in the same way they cannot make demands on any man that I should fulfill. I was with the man I met for several years, until Aelfrida was born. Eventually the relationship ended and we broke up. I am so relieved that he is not the father of my children.
Since then, I haven’t had any negative feelings about girls from the men I’ve dated (and I’ve also enjoyed spending time alone with the girls). When I started IVF, it was a relatively new thing for single women. However, in the years since, more and more women are choosing to give birth alone.
Source:thesun.co.uk
