How to calm your man down every time he is angry and defensive
1. Treat his anger as a call for help
Your husband’s or boyfriend’s anger might be because of some psychological distress. Hence, offer him assistance. Ask him if there is anything you could do to make him feel better. By making an effort to understand what has angered him can help him better handle it.
2. ​Try to remain calm
It is very natural for your temper to flare every time your man is angry. However, your counter-anger will only escalate the tension. Though it is difficult, try to remain calm and patient. When you feel your temper rising, breathe and then respond thoughtfully.
3. ​Make him feel emotionally safe
When he is angry, say soothing things to your husband instead of criticizing him. Moreover, listen attentively to him and make him feel emotionally supported. Remember that just like women, men need emotional safety.
4. ​Practice compassion
Turning your angry husband’s hostile feelings into love and kindness through compassion is a really great solution. Practicing compassion against his intense reactions can help heal you both.
5. ​Never assume
Never assume that you know the reason behind your husband’s anger. Do ask questions to clarify the reason and ask about his needs and feelings. Talk to him about the reason for your worry and the changes you notice in his behavior when he is angry. This will help you both.
6. Listen to him actively
Communicate directly and use reflective listening. Make sure you reaffirm whatever your partner shares with you. He won’t feel connected unless he feels you get what he is saying or experiencing.
