Survival tip number one for a happy marriage: never comment on your wife’s wardrobe unless you are fully prepared for a lesson in agricultural warfare.
One evening, a husband—feeling entirely too brave—decided to smirk at his wife’s figure. “Hey honey,” he chuckled, “maybe we should start washing your jeans in SlimFast? Might help take a few inches off your backside.”
The icy silence that followed could have frozen a volcano.
The next morning, the man yanked on a fresh pair of boxers, only for a mysterious cloud of fine white powder to poof into the air, making him cough and sputter.
“April!” he yelled, holding the waistband out at arm’s length. “Why on earth is there baby powder inside my underwear?!”
From the kitchen, his wife’s voice rang out with sweet, terrifying serenity:
“Oh, that’s not baby powder, sweetheart. That’s Miracle-Gro.”
