Every couple should be able to express their emotions freely. But there is a time and place for everything. What if a wife feels uncomfortable with her husband’s ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? What if her husband had previously offered her an option before marriage but she still wanted to stay with him? Read the story that was shared on Reddit and give this woman your advice
“I’ll admit I’m biased right off the bat. I couldn’t stand her.
I call her “his ex” to myself and others. He called her “his friend”.
We’re all in our early 40s. She died recently – aneurysm.
I’ve been with him 10 years now, but he’d known her for 20+.
The way he tells it: They were friends in college, decided to date, got married, then realized they weren’t a great couple and decided to just be friends. All that happened years before I met him. He was clear early on that she was “important”.
A couple months into dating, it came up that his friend was actually his ex-wife. He explained the above to me, saying she was one of his closest friends and that it was purely platonic. I expressed some discomfort at him being so close to an ex, and he told me “That’s fine. If you have a serious issue with it, let me know now and save us some time. I’ll choose her. I like you and all, but I’ve known her for over 12 years and she’s one of the most important people in my life. You’ll have to be ok with that if you want us to be a thing.”
When we were engaged I asked again. He gave me this perplexed look & asked “Why would us getting married affect my friendships?”
I sucked it up & went along. I resented every moment of knowing her, especially when we had to be social. She understood some part of him I couldn’t. Her husband was friends with mine as well, so it’s not like I could use him as an angle.
He’d have lunch with the ex, they’d go to their geeky movies, and whatever.
The few times I brought it up he said “We had this conversation before. You had your chance to back out.”
She died after they had lunch the other day on the way to her car. He spent a bunch of time crying, but honestly I was relieved.
He was working with her husband on funeral planning. I told him “You don’t think you’re going, do you?”
My argument, summed up: She’s dead, so she’s not a factor anymore. He doesn’t get to use his “she’s my friend” excuse since she doesn’t exist anymore. He had his cry for a couple days, he gets to be done with mourning her already. There’s no need for him to go to her funeral, since I wouldn’t want her at his.
He was the angriest I’ve ever seen him when I told him that, replying that he’ll be going no matter how I feel, and that he’s “willing to burn this to the fu**ing ground” while holding up his wedding band. “Besides you, she was the closest friend in my life.”
Him, her husband & my sisters are calling me an insensitive AH over this, all saying that there was no romantic aspect to their relationship, & that I’m heartless. Her husband went so far as calling me a “ghoul” for how I’ve reacted.
I never felt their relationship was appropriate, and I hid that for years because I wanted to be with my husband. Now that she’s gone, I don’t feel I should have to hide it anymore, and can speak freely.
Am I Wrong for just wanting him to be done with her, and for him to not attend the funeral?”
