The Most Honest School Essay Ever 😂📚
A schoolteacher assigns a creative writing homework topic to Little Johnny’s class: “Write a concise paragraph detailing the nocturnal professions and domestic routines of your household.”
The next morning, the teacher calls Little Johnny up to read his essay to the class. Johnny reads aloud with perfect posture:
“There are three people in my house. My father is a stockbroker; during the day he liquidates assets, and at night he prefers to drink premium lager and watch football. My mother is an accountant; during the day she balances ledgers, and at night she applies face masks and retires early. As for me, during the day I attend school, but at night, I operate as a freelance private detective and asset protection agent.”
“There are three people in my house. My father is a stockbroker; during the day he liquidates assets, and at night he prefers to drink premium lager and watch football. My mother is an accountant; during the day she balances ledgers, and at night she applies face masks and retires early. As for me, during the day I attend school, but at night, I operate as a freelance private detective and asset protection agent.”
The teacher chuckles, interrupting him, “Johnny, why on earth do you claim to be a private detective at night?”
Little Johnny lowers his paper, looks at the teacher with a thoroughly cynical grin, and explains:
“It’s basic economics, sir. Every night at precisely 11:00 PM, after my father has passed out drunk on the sofa and my mother is snoring loudly in the master bedroom, I begin my security patrol. I slip into my 18-year-old sister’s bedroom and collect a €50 non-disclosure fee from her boyfriend who is hiding under the bed. Then, I head down to the basement utility room and collect a €100 navigation fee from my father’s personal secretary who is hiding in the wardrobe, guiding her safely to the back door. That is a cool €150 a night, entirely tax-free. If that isn’t corporate private investigation, sir, I don’t know what is.”
“It’s basic economics, sir. Every night at precisely 11:00 PM, after my father has passed out drunk on the sofa and my mother is snoring loudly in the master bedroom, I begin my security patrol. I slip into my 18-year-old sister’s bedroom and collect a €50 non-disclosure fee from her boyfriend who is hiding under the bed. Then, I head down to the basement utility room and collect a €100 navigation fee from my father’s personal secretary who is hiding in the wardrobe, guiding her safely to the back door. That is a cool €150 a night, entirely tax-free. If that isn’t corporate private investigation, sir, I don’t know what is.”
