Consider having to accept entire responsibility for your husband’s parents since their children cannot. Won’t you ultimately walk away? That’s exactly what occurred to this woman—until she found out what her mother-in-law accused her of. Find out more inside.
She had enough
I (36f) have been a caregiver to my inlaws for the last 2 years. They acquired lots of debt from their 3 other children. My husband and I don’t have any and never ask for things. His siblings were given cars; his parents took out 2 reverse mortgages on his older siblings, maxed out credit cards, and still have 14k in debt.
I have been under a lot of stress taking my in-laws to appointments, ft caregiving, kids to school, house, grounds maintenance, etc. I normally get up at 3 am to start the day. Recently, I finally snapped. I was just tired and needed a break. My husband’s siblings have not helped with his parents at all, and my husband responded that day with “Why are you always so angry?” I had stopped washing the dishes.
My MIL was in earshot of this. I got up, got dressed, gave my kiddos a kiss each. Told them I loved them and drove over to my friend’s house for a good cry out of frustration. She let me in allowed me to take the time to decompress and I went home. A few weeks later my husband came up to me and said his mother asked him when I left,” You don’t think she’s having an affair? Do you?”. This took me completely off guard.
Here I am sacrificing my time to care for her and her husband, and that’s the first thing that crosses her mind? Not the lack of support from her kids but that! I told my husband that I refused to help her and would no longer be her caregiver. The one thing I’ve never wavered on is my stance on being faithful.
That’s a difficult position to cope with, but it’s not completely irreversible. There are a few tips that may aid in navigating this difficult situation.
Consider delegating some responsibilities
Your partner must comprehend your emotional state and what prompted your decision. You are not responding to a single comment, but to a long-term scenario that has taken its toll on you. Express your sentiments and explain why this experience was the tipping point.
Confront your MIL directly (if you’re comfortable)
If you believe it is possible and feel comfortable doing so, having a straight chat with your mother-in-law may be beneficial. This allows her to hear your sentiments and comprehend how her comment affected you. Sometimes people are unaware of the impact of their comments until it is pointed out to them.
Propose a family meeting
If direct interactions with your MIL are too unpleasant, or if you believe your husband is not fully understanding the situation, a family meeting may be good. Involving everyone, particularly your husband’s siblings, could result in more equitable responsibilities. It may also be useful to express complaints and establish expectations.
Set a time limit on your caregiving responsibilities
An ultimatum can help you set a clear line about what you’re willing to keep doing. You could designate a term during which you are still willing to assist, after which you must reassess the situation and set clear expectations.
Discuss financial implications with your husband
Given that your in-laws’ debts add to the overall picture, it’s critical to have a candid conversation with your husband about the costs of caregiving, including any influence it’s having on your family’s finances or plans. If you are paying for caregiving or other related expenses, it may be time to reevaluate your financial management.
Address your husband’s family dynamics
Your husband’s family relationships appear to be adding to your difficulties, and you must speak with him about these underlying concerns. If his siblings aren’t helping, it’s crucial to explain that you can’t do it all on your own. This may entail not only talking caring but also addressing the broader problem of why your husband’s siblings aren’t taking up.
