It can be quite challenging to handle the complexities of a blended family. Take, for example, Emma. This reader recently reached out to our editorial team to share that she faced a difficult situation when her husband’s unmarried daughter got pregnant while still living with them.
Here’s what she shared:
“Hi, I (39F) have been married to Tom (41) for 15 years now. He had Suzan (18) from his first marriage, and practically, I have raised my stepdaughter since she was a child, even though I never wanted a kid of my own. The other day, Suzan dropped a bombshell – she’s pregnant. Tom and I were devastated with the news.
Suzan added that she can’t take care of the baby on her own. She’s now in her first year of college, studying medicine, so it’ll be a while before she’s financially independent. With her living with us rent-free, and me shouldering the responsibility of caring for her baby so she can focus on her studies, it doesn’t feel fair to me. I’ve sacrificed a lot for her already.
The baby’s father, who’s also her age and who lives in a different state, has agreed to contribute $200 a month and visit occasionally.
After thinking it over, I suggested to Suzan that she could live with him and raise the baby together. But she said there was no way she could do that, as they’re not even in a relationship, and that they couldn’t afford it anyway.
I told Suzan plainly that I couldn’t raise her baby for her. It’s not my responsibility. I suggested she figure something out before the baby arrives. When Tom found out about my suggestion, he broke my heart with an unexpected reaction – He declared, “Well, you know, you either raise Suzan’s baby or prepare for divorce.” My husband of 15 years didn’t hesitate to prioritize his daughter over our marriage. It was a stark realization that my own feelings held no significance to him.
Meanwhile, Suzan has been upset and won’t talk to me since.
She even got her grandparents involved, who offered to take her in but they live too far from her college, so she refused. My in-laws think I’m abandoning her and should show her unconditional love, but I’ve already given up much to raise Suzan, and I believe that’s more than enough.
Now I’m torn. I love my husband, but I can’t raise another baby that isn’t mine from scratch.
Sincerely,
Emma”
What advice do you give Emma?
