Sure Signs Your Partner Has A History Of Toxic Relationships
1. They’re Always Distant
According to Dr. Jamie Long, a licensed clinical psychologist at The Psychology Group Fort Lauderdale, “the brain and heart err on the side of protection after psychological harm,” which might explain why your partner always seems distant.
It’s a coping mechanism they developed, after being in a toxic relationship in the past. They’ve learned not to share too much, or get too close, because they’ve been hurt.
They may need to chat to with a therapist before fully learning how to trust again, but you can help them along by being supportive and understanding.
2. They Seem “On Guard”
It’s common for a person with a history of toxic relationships to seem like they’re “on guard” all the time, or like they can’t fully relax. Your partner might have an eye out for problems at all times, which can result in a relationship that never feels fully settled.
3. They Don’t Talk About Themselves
Not everyone is super chatty, and that’s OK. But if your partner refuses to talk about themselves — much less their past — there’s probably a reason why.
It can make it feel you aren’t quite getting to know who they are as a person, or that the natural progression of intimacy and closeness is developing slowly, Long says.
Again, a toxic past damages a person’s ability to trust, so all you can do is be as understanding as possible, until your partner gets more comfortable opening up.
4. They Seem To Have “Anger Issues”
A history of toxicity, or even abuse, can leave a person feeling really angry and reactive. As a result, your partner might blow up easily, or seem incapable of coping with even the smallest amount of stress.
That said, it’s good to consider someone’s past, but a history of toxic relationships does not mean it’s OK for your partner to throw a fit or take their anger out on you.
In order that your relationship can last, they’ll need to work on communicating and finding better ways of resolving conflict.
5. They Feel Unsure After Arguments
If their ex withheld love as a form of punishment, particularly after arguments, your partner might need you to “prove” you still love them, whenever you two do disagree.
As Long says, “they may ask for a lot of reassurance or greatly rely on words of affirmation to soothe any doubts.” Think along the lines of asking you to say “I love you” a million times throughout the day.
6. They’re Secretive
If your partner doesn’t tell you where they are or share what they’re thinking, one explanation is that they used to be in a controlling relationship, ,” Amber Trueblood, MFT, MBA, a marriage and family therapist, says, and are now overcompensating by keeping their life as private as possible.
To you, it might seem like you never know what they’re thinking, or as if they have a whole second life that’s a complete mystery. And that can quickly lead to distrust, as well as a sense you aren’t true partners.
7. They Compare You To Their Ex
It’s not uncommon to compare new partners to old ones, or to talk about the past, but if your partner is still affected by what happened to them, you might notice they start unfairly comparing you, or the things you do, to their toxic ex.
Gently bring it to their attention, and give them the opportunity to change. They might not even realize they’re doing it, but it is a sure sign they’ve been through a lot.
8. They Don’t Trust You
If you get the sense that your partner doesn’t trust you, or is always casting a wary eye in your direction, take it as yet another sign you two may need to talk about their past — as well as your relationship’s future.
One way to handle insecurity and lack of trust is by letting your partner know how their actions have been negatively impacting you. For example, you can say, “When you get upset with me for wanting to spend an evening alone, it makes me feel hurt and like you don’t trust me.”
This level-headed approach allows you to talk about their actions without casting blame or making them feel bad, Trueblood says, which in turn fosters a productive conversation about trust and boundaries.
Source: https://www.bustle.com/wellness/17-signs-your-partner-has-a-history-of-toxic-relationships-according-to-experts-18846590
