You’ve finally found a great guy. But now there’s a new challenge…how to get him to open up and talk about his feelings.
Knowing how your man feels is an important part of a healthy relationship. But getting him to open up and talk about his feelings can often be frustrating! And why should it be? Making yourself vulnerable to another person is a DAMN hard thing to do.
It means sharing parts of yourself with them that even YOU aren’t always comfortable with. Don’t worry, we are here to help you. In this article, we share a few ways to help your man open up to you like magic.
1. Let him know why you value your relationship.
Talking about your feelings (even your good ones) doesn’t come naturally to everyone. So set a precedent.
Let him know in clear, simple language what you appreciate about your relationship.
It doesn’t have to be grandiose, in fact, make it a habit.
When the two of you are working in tandem in the kitchen to make fajitas and you can do it without saying a word or getting in each other’s way, tell him how great you think that it is.
You’re setting an example, letting him know that it’s not only okay to say what you’re thinking and feeling, but that it can actually feel pretty great to do just that!
2. Give Him Space To Respond
Sometimes men don’t open up and talk about a particular issue, because they don’t have an answer for you right away. And what he needs is some space to think about how he feels.
If this is the case, and he says to you, that he needs to think about it and get back to you. Then he really means it. He’s going to actually think about it.
Some men can be very deep thinkers. So depending on the question, it could take anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks for him to have a response for you.
3. Share your hopes for your relationship.
It’s tempting when you’re in a relationship that is going well to think about the long term.
And why not? The future, when you’ve found a person you want to share it with, can be so exciting to contemplate.
But for him, it might be overwhelming.
Instead of peppering him with questions like “do you ever want to get married?” “to you want to have kids?” “where do you want to live?” share your hopes for your relationship.
“I am so hopeful that our relationship will keep growing,” is much nicer and easier to hear than “all my friends are getting married, what’s your timeline?”
Sharing your hopes without putting pressure on him lets him know that there is no expectation for him to spill, but that if he wants to open up, you’ll be happy to receive what he has to say.
4. Show Him Appreciation
Men love to make a woman happy. And showing your appreciation is a way for him to get vital feedback from you about how he’s doing.
Everyone expresses how they love you differently. Therefore, its important to learn what each others top love languages are. Once you understand what your guy’s love language is you can let him know that you appreciate his efforts.
Whether it be acts of service, like doing things around the house for you or taking your hand (physical touch). Or in the case of opening up and talking you can let him know that you appreciate him sharing with you.
When he knows that his efforts are appreciated, it will encourage him to open up and talk more often in the future.
5. Share your fears for your relationship.
When you are in a romantic relationship with someone who is having a hard time opening up emotionally, it can be hard to share what you’re afraid of.
Resist the urge, however tempting it might be, to keep your fears and insecurities bottled up for fear that he will not be able to handle them.
By sharing your fears with him in a low-stakes way before it turns into a fight, you set another important example.You can talk about problems in your relationship without it being the END of your relationship. If you’re as open about the bad stuff as you are about the good stuff, it will only serve to make him feel even safer.
6. Make him feel safe in your relationship.
Taking the steps listed above is a great way to build a foundation of safety in your relationship, but there’s more you can do to encourage him.
Safety in a relationship means knowing that every fight you have isn’t going to be the last conversation the two of you engage in.
Make talking about your relationship the norm. That way, he won’t come to dread “big talks” and clam up in fear of them.
When you’re feeling stressed out and cranky, tell him that so that he can separate your feelings from your feelings about him.
Always share what’s troubling you because in not doing so you create a tense environment and tense does not a safe space make.
7. Let him know that the two of you are partners in this relationship.
A relationship is an agreement between two people (maybe more than two if you are polyamorous).
It’s a balancing act and it’s a partnership that can be hard work. But when it works, it’s the best thing there is.
Let him know from the beginning that you’re there to balance and support him, and that you, in turn, expect the same.
References: adomonline.com, dateworks.ca