No one said relationships were easy ― even the strongest couples will inevitably hit a few bumps in the road. But your partner shouldn’t be a constant source of stress, hurt feelings or resentment.
So how do you know if your relationship has hit the point of no return? Automatic dealbreakers like abusive behavior aside, many issues can be worked through with time, commitment and help from a therapist.
But if you’ve tried and tried and things still don’t improve, or if your partner is simply unwilling to do the work, it could be time to move on.
We asked experts to share the signs that a relationship may no longer be worth fighting for. (Note that the advice below is meant to serve as general suggestions. The circumstances of each relationship are different; there’s no one-size-fits-all approach.)
1. EVERY DAY IS A CHALLENGE.
Relationships go through rough patches. Some days need more communication and patience than others and that’s normal. What’s not normal is feeling like you have to work at your relationship every single day. Don’t get me wrong, relationships are all about work, but it shouldn’t feel like you’re running a never-ending marathon.
2. YOU’RE LACKING IN OTHER AREAS.
Does your relationship take up most of your energy? Then it’s not worth saving. If it was, you wouldn’t be behind on all your work projects and you’d be spending time with your friends and family. It’s OK to make some sacrifices in the name of love, but not to the point that you’re falling behind in other areas.
3. YOUR PARTNER ISN’T RELIABLE.
Does your partner show up for you? Is he there when you need him? Would he cancel on his friends to spend time with you after a rough day? If he’s not reliable, he’s not worth fighting for. (And neither is your relationship if that wasn’t obvious.)
4. HE’S ᴀʙᴜsɪᴠᴇ.
He may not be ᴘʜʏsɪᴄᴀʟʟʏ ᴀʙᴜsɪᴠᴇ, but he makes you feel less of a person. Whether it’s what he says or how he says it, you shouldn’t be with someone who’s hurting your self-esteem. A relationship with an ᴀʙᴜsɪᴠᴇ partner is never worth fighting for.
5. YOU’RE NOT YOUR HAPPIEST.
If your relationship has turned you into someone bitter and sad, then it’s not worth fighting for. You don’t deserve to be unhappy. Sometimes love isn’t enough to make two people compatible long-term. Don’t fight for a relationship you have to force.
6. HE DISAPPOINTS YOU.
Has he cheated on you more than once? Does he regularly cancel plans? It sounds like he doesn’t really care about you. If he did, he’d go out of his way to NOT disappoint you. You wouldn’t fail him on purpose, would you? So then why does he fail you?
References: bolde.com, huffpost.com
